Friday, 31 October 2008
Wednesday, 29 October 2008
I received a letter from UTAR and they offered me their biotechnology course. Nevertheless, I decided to wait for the reply from one of the public universities because I didn't want to burden my mom with extra financial burden.
That day, everyone was checking on the net whether they were accepted into public universities or not. Line was down. I can't even log in into the webpage so I asked my friends to check for me. Quite luckily, I got a place in University of Malaya!!! UM, no kidding! So, I was jumping up and down, hugging my brother and kissing him on the cheek. He thought I was crazy. Too bad, papa wasn't there to celebrate with us but I know, in heaven he is telling everyone about his daughter, me, an undergraduate in UM! I know he will be proud. He is always proud in all the things I do.
Ah, reflection of the past always has me in teary eyes and wet nose. . . The other day, mom was asking me when is my graduation day. Whoa, still a long way to go, I told her. She said nevermind, when I graduate she will give me a bouquet of flowers and then I said, yeah yeah, I want teddy bears too. So, my sister and brother shall give me two teddy bears. Then, they said, yeah, the teddy bears at home, they will send it to wash and then give them all to me during graduation day. Aiyo, it was a happy talk. Somehow, it is still not complete without my papa around. Omg, teary eyes again...
You know, I was really worried when I am scared my resuly will not able to secure me in university but now I think I am taking things for granted. I'm lazy. I do my revision because I need to. I finish reading to eliminate my guilt. I follow my study schedule so that I feel I am doing something. But, it's empty in the brain. Can't remember anything. I wonder why humans love taking things for granted. I used to be really hardworking and I remember things clearly...
But no, my mind refuses to remember any now.
Someone please tell me how lucky I am to get a place in UM and please tell me to appreciate it cuz I don't wanna graduate later than my batchmates...
Tuesday, 28 October 2008
Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20)
The Bottom Line
After a short but serious period of emotional upheaval, your life is mellowing.
After a short but serious period of emotional upheaval, your life is finally going to start calming down. There could be one lingering drama that just won't die, but it will at least be small enough that you can ignore it for a while. This return to your routine is something quite welcome, and will make you appreciate the quiet joys of your life -- like having time to be bored! You'll enjoy having quiet moments by yourself, so try to get in as many as possible.
Hmmm...it's freakingly true. Emotional upheaval? I had it the other day.
Yeah, I think I can handle the lingering drama for awhile and I m returning to my routine which is to study. Feeling quite bored but it says there I will appreciate the quiet joys of my life. Duh, my life has always been quiet! Having moments by myself? Hmmm... will think of something to do by myself... studying? grooming? wateva...
Monday, 27 October 2008
Arul, please load my stomach with cookies when you're back! I know i can't ask muruku from you cuz you're not celebrating Deepavali this year. Cookies are more than enough :P
Anna, remember to wear the punjabi suit we bought you today!!!
Whenever we go out for work, school or shopping, she will be waiting for us to come back. When we are out from the car, she will come running and greet everyone of us "Welcome back!"
Oh yeah, before I came back from KL, she has succeeded in learning how to shake hand. OMG, she's so so so cute! She knows how to sit, shake hand and jump into the car when we say "kai kai lor".
She's sick this morning. Vomited out her food at the road when we take her for a walk so that she can answer her nature's call. Pity her.
Sunday, 26 October 2008
Saturday, 25 October 2008
Freud's Psychosexual theory is divided into 5 stages:
1) The oral stage
2) Anal stage
3) Phallic stage
4) Latency stage
5) Genital stage
There it was stated
- punca keseronokan di mulut
- bayi mempelajari dunia luar melalui deria mulut.
- apabila keseronokan dihalang, konflik terjadi.
it's stated... kanak-kanak yg tidak diberi susu apabila diperlukan akan menggigit kuku bila dewasa dan memperolehi personaliti kritis dan ketagihan makan atau rokok. Made me thought of Arul...she likes biting her nails. Pity her, can't get enough milk when she was a baby :p
- dubur menjadi punca keseronokan dan konflik
- kanak-kanak mendapat keseronokan dalam pembuangan najis atau menyimpan najis (wow!!!)
After reading that line, I thought of a kid resisting the temptation to shit and then when he or she can't hold that any longer, it will be like canon. Blasting the wall with (I dun need to say...I think y'all get it). I'm sorry, I don't mean to be like that but my mind has a mind of their own. I can't control it.
I can't remember I've ever love studying so much. . . Please don't ever don't be friends with me eventhough you find my mind terribly creative in a disgusting way. I'm sorry.
Friday, 24 October 2008
06:00-08:00 Psikologi (1st page till perbezaan pertumbuhan dan perkembangan)
08:30-09:30 Poetry II
10:00-12:00 Psikologi (Teori perkembangan till Pembentukan Personaliti Freud)
15:30-18:00 Psikologi (Psikoseksual till Peringkat Perkembangan)
20:00-22:00 Psikologi (Remaja till Krisis Identiti)
06:30-08:30 Psikologi (Psikososial till Kesan perbezaan individu ke atas prestasi sekolah)
09:00-10:00 Poetry II
10:00-10:30 Watch Totally Spies
10:30-12:30 Go and visit grandma + follow mommy to market
15:30-17:00 Psikologi (Konsep Kendiri)
17:30-18:30 Psikologi (Behaviorisme: Pavlov)
20:00-22:00 Psikologi (Skinner till Pembelajaran sosial)
07:00-08:00 Poetry II
08:30-10:30 Psikologi (Kemahiran berfikir till Hukum Pengamatan)
14:00-17:00 Psikologi (Aplikasi till Pembelajaran ekspositori)
19:30-20:30 Psikologi (Teori pemprosesan maklumat till Motivasi)
06:30-10:30 KBKK 1
11:30-12:30 KBKK 2
21:00-22:00 Poetry II
14:00-16:00 past years ques
20:00-22:00 past years ques
halloween, pack up things to bring back to KL
whole day POETRY II
I'm worried about my writing exam. I have confidence in Mr. Gomez's part but Dr. Julianna's part was a total disaster. Gosh, it's going to pull my grades down and my CGPA will go down the toilet bowl again!!!!!
I'm worried for myself and about myself. I'm worried I'm stepping too deep into the pit. How am I going to save myself if I fall?
Tuesday, 21 October 2008
Gosh, why everyone is expecting something from me. Please, I'm not a giver!!!
Stop bothering me.
If you wanna paste something...paste urself. I've handled things all by myself and I'm short, tiny and you're twice the size of me so there's no problem for you to handle it if I can handle it once.
Love is when my papa held my mommy's hand during dinner after a long day of work.
Love is when mommy made my father a cup of coffee every morning knowing that it must not be too sweet because their love is sweeter than any sugar on Earth.
During my 1st SUKMA competition, I was so scared to perform. Knowing my family has come a long way from Pahang to see me perform, I wasn't scared anymore. That's love becuz it calms the nerves.
Love is when my father was heart-broken seeing me suffering from asthma when I was little. He told God he's willing to suffer what I was suffering so that I won't suffer anymore.
Love is when we hug our dog tight eventhough she's smelly. She kisses us back eventhough she knows really well that she has bad-breath :P
Love is when you be there for you friends because you know they need you.
Love is telling someone you love them when you really mean it.
Alan is there to give me some clarification although it is still not convincing enough, Arul and Anna have been really supportive all these while and I really love them. I wonder how boring will my life be without them or how down would I feel if there's no one to put up with my craziness, dry humour and sometimes my moodiness.
Arul and Anna, thanks for risking your lives to go KFC to cheer me up when I'm down and confuse. Alan thanks for accompanying me although you are busy with your friends' problems. And William thanks for the ride to KFC.
I've always dedicated my post to y'all...when will y'all dedicated ur post to me?? jk lar!!!
Anna and Alan thanks for sharing the money for our karaoke session. We sang for 4 hours and did many funny things there. (No need for me to elaborate...I think y'all know) At first we were planning to go pasar malam but it was raining heavily so we decided to spend our time in KBox while waiting for the rain to stop. Alan was suggesting that we should go and look see look see what they sell in pasar malam 1st but Anna and I were to psyched about the thought of singing aloud so both of us just turned our head and glance our way at the pasar malam and told Alan we have finished looking and seeing. Our last minute craziness taht Alan has to put up with....pity him.
Sunday, 19 October 2008
Breaking up the last time, I've always think whether there will be a chance to love again or not, whether I'll have the faith to trust people, whether the next relationship will have a future or not. Yes, I know, I am too free and to stop me from day-dreaming I'll always remind myself the way mom said I'll become a spinster.
Gosh, I don't even how to put this in words.
Here it is, someone confirmed something and then I don't know how to react. After that, the ride in his car was with minimal conversation. Bump into each other during lunch, we weren't talking, pretending not to see each other. Get together for dinner, not talking either. It's getting awkward.
I don't like the way it is or maybe I like the way he being so honest and courageous but clearly I don't like the way it is now...it's weird.
My roommate sees that I'm looking weird all morning...hahaha maybe all day.
And I don't know what am I blogging. You know what I'm trying to say?
Let's just put it aside 1st and think about it after exam.
I'm sorry that I am making this just so difficult.
Thursday, 16 October 2008
Interesting right? Indirectly, I'm saying I'm smelly lar... I think because everyone is so smelly, no one dares to complain about anyone's odour or maybe because everyone has the same smell so no one notices about anyone's odour or maybe we are all immune to it. Wonderful hypothesis from my wonderful mind :P
The disruption of water supply in UM is killing me. I can't stand myself being sticky (even the papers under my hand sticks onto my skin), I can't stand myself having oily face, I can't stand myself thinking that I'm dirty...It makes me feel terrible like maggots are going to crawl out of my body anytime soon!!! That's a hyperbole, it is meant to make the situation sounds more terrible than it really is. Yeah, I'm sticky all over my body but paper doesn't stick onto my skin yet.
I can't go to toilet. I gotta hold back my nature's call cuz I can't tolerate the smell in the toilet. I can't tolerate the sights of excretement floating in the toilet bowl. I wonder whether those things will breed worms and corkcroaches in the toilet or not. Ewww...it's yucky!!! How long can I supress my nature calls?!!???
Tuesday, 7 October 2008
So, after my lectures today, I took my shower and I hit the sack. I'm exhausted and I set my alarm so that I won't miss my dinner. Strange enough, my alarm clock I think it read my thought very well so it didn't ring when I've already set it to ring. I ended up having 2 hours of siesta and I woke up at 7p.m. Ahhh, it is still not too late for dinner but I just feel like lazing on my bed...I guess the thought of filling up my stomach with Milo again like yesterday did have a huge impact on me. I decided to 'tapao' back because I have the difficulties to find friends to have dinner with me this semester. Sob, sob...maybe because I look unapproachable or maybe I look too boring for anyone to have dinner with me...
The journey to the canteen, eventhough it was a short one left me feeling so lonely. I don't remember feeling as lonely as today but maybe because the sound of raindrops and crickets singing create the mood of over-peacefulness... At least the crickets are busy with their lives unlike me. :(
I hate college life. I hate the sight of my room - always empty. My friends in my room are my roommate's stuffed dog, my own hippo and the four walls who are always staring back at me.