all about me

Change

2011-07-05T10:38:00.008+08:00

Change is constant. Some grow out of it. Some are stuck in the same vicious cycle of bewilderment. Changes, whether it's a natural cycle, an order imposed on you by someone else or a resolution you plan to achieve, it's never easy. To the fearfuls, it might be a difficult phase facing the uncertainties in life. To the hopefuls, tomorrow is a better day. To the confident ones who yearn for challenges that life's offering, it's a period of excitement.

Facing changes is inevitable. Britney Spears' career went under hiatus with series of erratic behaviour but later released the global chart-topping "Womanizer". Lady Gaga who is well-known for her erratic dressing is a woman of change not only in her fashion sense but also in her performances which gained her her success in the music industry. A teenager who was running errand for his mother later found hanged in his room. Some are ready to change, some are not. Whether we succesfully conquered the changes around us or we failed to do so, our life is what our thoughts that make it.

Taking a time off to scrutinize my life, it hasn't been running the way I want it to be. My sister and brother's education is on the top of my priority list right now. Imposing plans on teenagers has been hazardous with lots of screaming in the house lately. Time for re-strategizing things for a positive change because if things cannot change, I need to buck up for a change.

Perhaps all those yelling did not put my energy to waste, I realized time do not change life but it changes the way we want our life to be. Whether we are rummaging through the entire book-store looking for a self-help book, we might as well rummage through our mind searching for what we want to change about ourselves, priortise our responsibilities and strategize a new strategy to tackle the problem.

It's a new semester on parenting and how to keep the household clean :)

Speaking of change, with the recent hoo-hah on Bersih, I wonder the change of government can put a stop to Lynas? Which I think is quite impossible since the compensation to put a halt on this project is too high for anyone to bear...

25 Stuffs To Accomplish Before Turning 25

2010-05-30T14:42:00.004+08:00

We all have some untrodden paths in our lives. There's this great capabilities we haven't unearthed, the wild side of us that goes unexplored, and sometimes we all just sit there doing our work of routine, waiting for the good things to occur. Rather than sitting down here engulfed by all the never-ending work, complain that our days are bored and we're practically rotting everyday, why not just brace ourselves for a little tasks to do.

Here are the stuffs I wish to accomplish Before I Am 25:
1) Backpack with my friends to some country(ies) abroad.
2) Go to somewhere cooling on my own just to find myself.
3) Get drunk and talk nonsense.
4) Go clubbing.
5) Punch someone.
6) White water rafting.
7) A road trip with friends. Pack and go to wherever the road will take us with Chris Daughtry's songs as background music.
8) Take a midnight drive to any beach and stick there till it's dawn.
9) Write a short story and get it published in The Star.
10) Make up whenever I go out.
11) Take my family to Harbin or any beautiful place abroad.
12) Remember all the routes in Kuala Lumpur.
13) Read Moby Dick.
14) Do volunteering work at the old folks home, orphanage or those places where they keep unwanted dogs.
15) Learn to jazz dance.
16) Write a few songs and put it up on YouTube.
17) Have RM10k in my account.
18) Buy an expensive watch for myself.
19) Have a health insurance.
20) Be a very successful teacher and make a difference in everyone's life.
21) Read newspapers everyday.
22) Write a superb thesis.
23) Earn at least RM4k a month by the time I am 25.
24) Give my mom RM500 every month by the time I am 24.
25) Get a boyfriend that is worthwhile for all my attention.

I have learned that there are things that worth striving for and there are things that don't, there are friends that worth keeping and there are friends that we might as well make them slip away. We can't have perfection in our life. We might as well have a little fun along the way, brighten up someone's day and create a little happiness here and there.

Sometimes It Is An End To A Journey

2010-05-02T23:53:00.005+08:00

"So this is it huh? You're courting me because someone has asked you to take good care of me?" I heaved out those words from my heart. A sense of despair washed over me as he blurted out a yes. As I walked away from the quiet spot where we had our last talk, where I found the closure I had always wanted, I knew a chapter of my life has begun-- a new chapter without what-ifs and if-only, a chapter for me to collect back the pieces of my heart shattered from this stroke of incident.

That night was not an easy night. Veins in my head were pulsing, I was clenching and unclenching my jaw as I realized what a complete fool I had put myself into. I had wasted my whole semester waiting for a guy who was completely over me or a guy who had completely fooled me into thinking that he felt the same way that I did. I pushed aside my frustration and the penetrating pain when I saw him flirting with other girls and pretended as if it did not affect me because I had moved on, I put up a mask of happy face when someone questioned me about him because I did not want to care and my heart did not want to cry. I did not want to expose the naked truth behind this wounded soul and yet I knew I was dying inside.

As I stared out into the dark, fathomable sky, recollecting the moments the images of him corrupting my mind, it hit me hard that missing him was the deadliest poison in my mind. "Why should I deprive myself from happiness?" I questioned myself in the midst of the silent night.

As I waited for the breaking dawn, I consoled myself that I knew what I had signed up from the start. I gave what I had to give and if it was not enough then it was a goodbye. This is life and breaking heart will survive. I will never know what I am capable to achieve if I stay on forever like this on the same familiar ground. There is a maxim that rings loud "There are moments in life that make you and set the course of who you're going to be. Sometimes they're little subtle moments, sometimes they're big moments that you never saw it coming. No one asks for that kind of change and it's what you do afterwards that counts." I turn over a new life and this chapter of my life is about finding back the things I have lost-- my pride, dignity and happiness afterall deep down, I knew I am meant for something greater.

**I am trying to be ambitious...penning down a few words so that I can write a novel one day**

Pick-Up Lines

2010-05-01T16:27:00.003+08:00

Boy, can you give me a mouth-to-mouth resuscitation cuz you just took my breath away.

You must be tired. You have been running through my mind every second, every hour, every single moment.

Are you the broom? You swept me off my feet in vroom.

I seem so off today. Can you turn me on?

While these pick-up lines might seem fun and original in their own way, the art of verbal flirting differs from culture to culture and society to society. Sometimes, when I have my creative juice flowing, I am able to come up with hundreds of this pick up lines but even if I am able to do that, with the geographical setting I am in, with the kind of shy reclusive personality I have, it doesn't ensure a successful courtship.

Evidence of the most creative pick-up lines in my head right now:
1) You're so bright, you must be my knight in shining armour. (If that guy is really intelligence and his knowledge is a turn on for you)
2) You're my alcohol. You got me so intoxicated right now.
3) You're like my teddy bear. Cute, warm and hairy in a way.
4) Was it the adrenaline or you making my heart beats faster?
5) You must be the sunshine, you bright up my day.

These pick up lines are effortless and I am able to come up with quite a few in 1 minute but to express it out is a big no-no because in the country I am living in, it is all about modesty and these lines only makes me look like a joker or an idiot. Nevertheless, I believe this verbal flirting works in sparking up the relationship.

This post serves as a channel to channel out my creative juice. Any resemblances to any posts are perfectly INTENTIONAL. And You may kiss the bride now.

Birthday and Family

2010-03-03T22:20:00.003+08:00

Thomas Hardy, the poet in the Victorian era, the epitome of a very depressed individual, will be writing a poetry on how birthday is a day to mourn because it brings us closer to death if he is still alive and has the chance to write. Based on my last post, my readers will deem me as a very bi-polar person where I can feel extreme joy and extreme depressing moments. I am 23 on February 22, 2010 and I strongly feel that birthday is a day to celebrate because we grow old not by aging but by the experiences we had and because of that every passing year is just going to make me wiser.

Looking back in my teenage years, there were some things that I regretted doing. Although sometimes I wish there are things that people would tell me 8 years ago, it hit me that I'm just 23 and there's still time to reboot my life. I think birthday is the best time to reflect on how I have grown up and become matured overtime :)

The top 3 things I regretted doing:
1) The kiasu and kiasi-ism in me that warded of some of my friends.
2) Caring too much about the remarks of others.
3) Not loving enough and not knowing the ways to express love.

I think about things like this from time to time and I hope someone could provide me with a little wisdom so that I can do all the things right so that I don't live in regret. However, experience is the great teacher of life. It makes you to discover instead of making you follow everything that other sets for you.

This three years in university I have been wasting quite a lot of time obsessing grades and I wasted most of my holidays tackling my assignments. I hardly spend quality time with my family. I'll need time to improve on that because there's nothing like a family.

And Arul, Anna, Jess and Alan, you all are my family in UM, the second best cuz the best of the best I reserve that for my real family :)

##Writing skill seems to going down the drain... Sorry##

Don't Even Stop By And Read This

2010-01-06T17:16:00.002+08:00

They said you write better when you experienced something yourself because it will stay vividly in your mind. I had finally come to a point where I feel like mutilating myself. Life has taken a toll on me although it seems like yesterday I was writing down my resolutions aiming to do better this year. Like what Thomas Hardy felt, life's bleak. You can plan something but nature takes its course.

My post might reflect that I am quite pessimistic in nature. I can never understand why failure sometimes might be a greater gift than success. Austerity is never a way of life for me. I have expectations and I know my strengths and weaknesses and I certainly don't need someone to remind me of my weaknesses all over again. Please, I don't need to be knocked down twice. It's painful till the point that putting oneself in front of a speeding truck seemed less awful.

I feel so down and yet so angry today after my last lecture. Blood was boiling in me and I was practically steaming. Screw those people that say when you feel suicidal, talk to someone! When you talk to someone about stuffs that are bothering you, it only seems trivial to some of them unless they have expectations like you do.

My thoughts about self-mutilation and suicidal might be a destructive one but on the other extreme end of thoughts, great people have more destructive thoughts than others because of the expectations they have for themselves. And yet, having these thoughts do not mean they are no brainers that do not value life. It is just because they fear nothing, not even death but only failures.

My only question is, would you let someone with destructive thoughts to lead your kids? Like me, I'll be a teacher and the future of some younger generations are depended on my teaching. Would you want me to teach your child?

2010 Resolutions

2009-12-25T08:30:00.000+08:00

Alrite!!! It's the festive season again. Merry Christmas everyone!!! How I hope I can feel the snow with the touch of my hands right now. No such luck. It's Malaysia. This place is either covered with the sun or the rain. Nevertheless, without the snow, the reindeer, elves, Santa on the street, we are still able to feel the joy of Christmas right? Cuz the merry thoughts, time with loved ones and other things that money can't buy are the basic ingredients of Christmas.

2009 is almost coming to its end. It's funny to me that 'year' actually has life-span. Well, it's funny how I put it to sound like. It's the time for me to review the things I have achieved, lost, gained thus far. To be frank, I actually lost quite a lot of money with me being such a spendthrift, gained quite a number of friends but not boyfriend :( and achieved those things I've never thought to achieve.

Last 2 days, I was so high on caffeine that I had such a hard time persuading myself to sleep. So, I ended up rummaging my books cabinet to look for the resolutions I wrote down during my years in high school. They are:
1) I will get straight As like what I got in my PMR.
2) I will get rid of my pimples and be more beautiful than xxxx xxx xxx.
3) I will not make my room messy.
so on and so forth until I reached an unrealistic one and burst out laughing.
10) I will walk like a model.
Gosh...what a killer!!!

I guess growing old makes us focus on the things that are significant to us. Somehow I realized the stuffs like walking like a model isn't going to take me anywhere far. I think I am hit by the quarter-life crisis, where all I am thinking now is how to nail that job, get the car, the Masters, the money. And yet, I know I should not be bogged down by all these. All that I am after is life full of laughter which means meeting up my own expectations and doing something great for others.

Li Chin's 2010 Resolutions
1) Write a superb thesis.
2) Buck up for my teaching practice.
3) Get better GPAs.
4) Speak like an English.
5) Get rid of my shyness.
6) Make more time for friends and family.
7) Save more money.
8) Better complexion.

I have noticed that I don't feel sheer happiness in my life in campus. I need more love and to get more love is by giving out all the love I can give. By that, I don't mean getting a boyfriend for myself. I mean having some time with family and friends, giving out to charity and helping those I am able to help. I don't want to live solely by achieving my goals cuz I'll just be another undergraduate raking up my grades, another dancer with the focus to get it right, another human being on the rat race. I need to stop, think and breathe. Hug my friends, feed the poor cuz love doesn't give only to those who are able to give but rejoices in giving to those who can't.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE.

The Future

2009-12-03T07:13:00.003+08:00

Constrained by the four walls in my room, my mind wandered aimlessly beyond the darkness in my room. The immeasurable darkness stimulated me to think more in-depth about my future. Wondering about that always gives me a headache. I mean how am I to know what job would probably land on me right? That's why it's called the future. It's not called the FUTURE for nothing.

My mind loomed around aimlessly. A degree in bachelor of education set me to think what has the future installed for me aside from being a full-time educator? Journalism? That area sparked up some hopes for me since almost everyone seemed to agree that I'm brilliant in my writing. Sparked up, in past tense, cause the elective course is only offered in the first semester and for the first semester of my final year, I've to do my practical which means I don't really have a chance to prove myself that I'm a potential journalist. Thumbs down for moi. I have always wanted to write articles for CLEO. Guess now I have to put my dream to rest. Unless I am able to send in a few drafts to impress them that I'm all good for the job.

Or, I can be the 8TV's Quickie Host if they still have a vacancy after my graduation. I know I'm talented because I dance around openly with my bunch of crazy friends in my faculty. Talented, that's not the right word for it. It should be crazy and the best euphemism for this adjective is talented. Future employer won't hire people that put crazy on their resume. What am I thinking!!! I know I am good enough but still I with Krashen's affective filter hypothesis. Being with people who are on par with me or even better only make me nervous (affective filters are up) and thus affecting my performance. I'm a victim of my own fear. If only I learn how to channel this fear to something more productive. I can always threaten myself, "Li Chin, you're gonna look bad when everyone looks good...Do you even want that to happen?" And I have a bad threatening skill...

Or maybe I'll just be a teacher. Go to a school and teach. Give some tuition and get extra money. Do some charitable work by giving free tuition to those who need it. Afterall, that is what I have promised to my late father if I get to set my foot on any varsity.

##This post is not edited cuz it's my ranting...##

That Red Cheongsam

2009-11-29T08:24:00.002+08:00

Today, I donned myself in a beautiful, red cheongsam belonged to my mother when she was at my age. I chose to blog this not because it was my first time ever donning on a cheongsam. It was more than that-- something more valuable than the feeling of the expensive silk on my body. It was nonetheless the picture of my mom's physique when she was an adolescent. A realization that we share so much more than that dark brown hair and short eyelashes, but almost the same figure. Looking at myself at my own reflection, was like seeing my own mom when she was younger.

Undoubtedly, sometimes differences set us apart. Differences in thoughts are the most obvious one. When she drove down to Kuala Lumpur to fetch me and my loaded luggages, we argued a lot about which way to take in order to be on our journey back to the resort we were staying. Luckily, all those heated moment are always short-lived. Throughout my years in my high school, the essays about social problems among teenagers were compelled to write, made me realized now, the stupidity of some teenagers that are unable to see pass those emotional roller coaster they are having in their mind. If only they are able to see clearly how family are related more than just the genes we share, maybe news about teenagers running away from homes will not cloud the pages of the newspapers again. It takes time to realize this, like me taking time to realize that my mom and I share so much in common.

Lastly, I have to admit that, for once I am proud that I have inherited the small waist from my mom. That cheongsam most probably looked tight on some parts on my body because sometimes assets evolve and becomes better from generations to generations :)And looking at her now, is like looking how I'd most probably look like in years to come. Ahh...

Curls Cuz It's Sexy!

2009-11-26T14:09:00.004+08:00

The thing about human is that they are fickle minded. I am a great embodiment of this trait.

I have been wanting curls for my hair since I graduated from Form 6. Before the semester break, my wish was granted although it's a little late cuz I had been waiting for this change of hairstyle for 3 years. Hilary Duff looks great with either her brunette curls or her original blond curls, Piper Perabo in Coyote Ugly was ever sweet with her loose curls, I bet she's still sweet now and Olivia Wilde is stunning with loose curls too. Whoa, who am I kidding? They are celebrities. They always look great!!! While me? I know I can carry all kind of hairstyles as long as my hair is long and my fringe isn't too short. Above was the hairstyle after a few hours of my newly permed hair.

Last semester break, I'd been interviewing almost everyone about permed hair. How manageable is it? Will those products like hair mousse, gel, hair spray, etc strip away all the moisture making the hair dry? Do you like your hair straight or curly? So, this was how my hair looked like on the third day. While taking this picture, I was actually reminiscing back to what my former schoolmate, Thiam Hui told me about permed hair. She said her hair actually looked like crazy woman after she woke up from her blissful sleep. At that moment, contentment was all that I felt that my hair didn't actually turn out like what Thiam Hui had described. That was only on the third day though. 2 and a half day to be exact.

On Thursday evening, all hell broke loose. Nightmare crept in. I received a last minute message from my friend about the gathering at night. Every girl wants to look at their best when meeting up with their former schoolmates right? So, I wore the blouse that always looks good on me. Unfortunately, that didn't do the trick. Hair was the problem. I wet my hair hoping that the water would re-energize all the chemicals on my hair. Gosh, no matter how I twist, it was still omigod bad!!!

The next day, my loose curls reared its ugly head again. On the fifth day, I was so tired of my hair. I finally got the feeling of bad hair day. All these while, I inherited my father's hair gene-- straight and manageable. I regretted that I permed my hair, stripped my hair from its right for moisture. It was dry and brittle and limp! Lifeless...

After washing my hair, I took the hairstylist advice to blow dry my hair but then all my curls became frizzy. Again, I experienced some sort of ugly hairstyle. My mom even asked me, "Hey, didn't you comb your hair?" I answered, "Um...nope. I'm afraid my RM250 hair won't be curly afterthat. That salon is is PJ so I'll have to waste another RM44 if I were to take a bus to KL to get my hair fixed." The above picture was actually taken after I learnt how my hair should be treated.

My confident smile showed that I was actually satisfied with how my curls turn out. It was actually quite different from the first day but it was still better than those days I experienced bad hair days. It was indeed beautiful.

Now that I am satisfied with how it turned out to be, I am ever grateful that I permed my hair in Jaya One with a student price of RM250 with treatment and haircut. The whole procedure of hair perming was actually quite funny though. I actually forced myself not to laugh when my head looked as if it had been attacked by a big giant octopus. No offence to the hair salon.

What he did was actually set perm. Yes, it's a he. I was actually enjoying the 4 hours being at the salon with a male hairstylist playing with my hair :) He used the big curler and then attached it my hair to some sort of machine to heat my hair causing the protein structure (keratin i think, if my knowledge of Biology is still good) in my hair to change. And that's why my head was like being attacked by a black octopus. The tentacles I imagined was actually my strands of hair.

I went to Element (name of that hair salon) for this. Right now, I'll only put on mousse when I am going out for an outing or when I feel my hair needs it or otherwise my hair will be hard and dry. I'll settle for Schwarzkoph hair serum now. Healthier for my hair, happier for me :)

So, if my hair turns out different every time I wash my hair, it's great right? Yeah, definitely! A reassuring word from me.

Sculpt or Should I Say Kepping Scores...

2009-11-23T07:39:00.005+08:00

Like any other guys, I love looking at beautiful girls. The first thing that catches my attention will be their physique. If they are endowed with slender figure with beautiful sculpted arms and not protruding tummy, I'll hence direct my gaze to their face. I am a female but I normally do what guys always do except that I do not drool over a hottie but I keep scores with them. "She's pretty but ahh...too bad, she has bad skin...damn like me!!!" or "Wow, she has curves at the right place...gosh!!! she's better than me." or "I know she is pretty but her thighs are huge. I'm totally way better than her." so on and so forth.

When it comes to keeping scores, most of the girls I know have considerable expertise. So, I know whenever I walk out of my house, I am moving out from my own comfort zone where I am a victim of girls' prowling eyes, vulnerable to their sarcastic remarks. Sitting down here, doing what I love to do, is not that healthy. Every second I am risking myself with a ballooning tummy with compressed mark (yup, mind you...not stretch mark but compressed mark). I need get rid of my bulging tummy and tone my waist. 25" is the way to go!!! From this moment onwards, I'll train myself to do 50 times sit up every morning and every night.

My thighs, according to my roomie, it's becoming more like Beyonce's which is sexy but according to me when it comes to my height, it's not. Welcome to the world of ladies, where we play with Maths that is beyond numbers. When something expands in size, the height has to heightened, only that it can be labeled proportionate. The picture above is my thigh. Unfortunately, it's 20" already! I am not going to be extra ambitious. I am going to sculpt it to 19.5" with more leg massage and exercise.

OMG this is downright flabby! I understand that the bigger your boobs are, the bigger your arms will get. So mine is not proportionate at all. It's 10" now and by hook or by crook, I'll tone it down to 9.5".

Hey, I am not aneroxic but when it comes to fashion or beauty, I'm a vain for it. This post might be a sensitive issue for some girls out there but this is mainly about me. Therefore, Natalie TLC shall not be held responsible for any emotional upheaval from reading this post. My statement might be flawed but this is my blog, any statement that is deemed hurtful is perfectly unintentional.

Still, I am not going to cut down on what I eat because I enjoy food. This point itself proves that I am not having any eating disorder.

The Clock Was Menacingly Ticking

2009-11-22T07:05:00.005+08:00

Scrolling down to see the last time I've published my post made me realized that I've not been updating my blog for awhile. I even had the thoughts of putting a full stop to my days of blogging. I didn't do that... I think that was just me being a bit depressed (depressed is just too serious here) or should I say really stressed up over the workload back in campus. But the Kuantan gal is back in Kuantan-- the slower-paced city with plenty of time for me to rejuvenate and of course, BLOG!

A month ago I was actually racing against time. I decided to challenge myself by joining the Performance Bureau of Pesta Tanglung Universiti Malaya (Lantern Festival in University of Malaya)and I took up rhythmic gymnastics as my extra-curricular activity. So the list of things to do keep piling up till the point that it became the list of things I dread to do.

During the nights of September, when everyone was sitting right in front of their desks watching their favourite entertainment programmes or studying, I turned up for something more than a good sweat at dance practice, got scolded for quite a number of times for looking blur. It was really an excruciating experience where dancing turned out to be something I hate when it supposed to be something I love.

So why did it has to be so stressful? It was a performance ala High School Musical except that the songs are all in Chinese and did I mention that I don't read Chinese? In the silence of my room, when my roommates were sleeping blissfully, I woke up reading the translated lyrics (han yu pin yin) with earphones clung on my ears. I sang without deciphering the lyrics. Looking at the deadlines of the things I had yet to get my hands on, I felt suffocated and in extreme regret that for the hectic life I'd signed up. Watching the clock ticking menacingly drove me mad. Aside from the strenuous training, I was in-charge of the 3 choreographies for Rhythmic Gymnastics. I was in need for more and more cups of caffeine. The aromatic smell of my white coffee and the sensation it gave when it went down my throat calmed my nerves.

The list constantly grew at an alarming rate. Waves of assignments by different lecturers hit me like tsunami. I was worried whether I'd be drowned if I was hit by another wave of assignment. At the back of my head, I was thinking, "When will this ever end?" and yet I know by the early of November all the deadlines clouding my mind will be 'poof!' gone!

I am proud of myself that I manage to persevere till the end of it. Now that I managed to slow down my pace to breathe a breath of fresh air, I am risking myself with a ballooning tummy and a chubbier face. The next post I am going to write about will be me losing some weight although I know I am not fat. I do it merely for a better figure.

Pesta Tanglung Universiti Malaya

2009-10-11T19:08:00.005+08:00

Most of the time I have a barren mind when I have decided to write about something good and the same goes to this. Nevermind about that. Assignments can wait after I relieved my mind with this purposeful blog.

Most of us do not the get the chance to shine on stage. Reminiscing back to 2 months ago, I was just another one of the lonesome undergraduates looking for something to past my time. So, I decided to give Pesta Tanglung Universiti Malaya a try. It was an abrupt decision so instead of going to the interview first, I went to the audition on my own.

I was presented with a passport to a 2-month practice under 3 choreographers. Congratulations to me and my wishes were finally answered. When the undergraduates went back to their hometown, I had my time occupied with training camp. Nevertheless, it was a superb experience although most of us were down with joint pains and muscular aches the following day. We had our chance to bond, to snap those girlish, ugly, crazy and cute pictures which I am quite sure the memories will last in my mind even after my days in UM.

We spent hours to practice every day. The days seemed tougher with each passing hours. I was experiencing hellish moments. Her words were like bees stinging my eardrum till it penetrated by vulnerable self. I felt like crying when she kept on complaining that I looked blur, so on and so forth. Other dancers were not in a better condition that I did. Hooi Meng was forced to carry some dancers with smaller frame because of her physique (I mean she's tall, not fat yeah...), Ying Chow got her shoulder blade moved forward, all the dancers practically danced till their feet were numbed, till their sweat glands were out of sweat, till all the carbohydrates were being broken down to ATP. Yup, those were the days.

Me with my front leg pivot. A request from other dancers.

My jump requested by the choreographer.

At the backstage with PTUM'09 dancers. It was my first time wearing a chinese costume and we somehow looked like Chun Li the street fighter on that fateful day. BTW, the make up artist that helped me to apply the powder sucked. It was like me stealing her fiance, spouse or whatever you call it and she was hitting my face like no one was seeing. The worst part, she ruined my eyebrow or eyebrows... I am not sure which side is better cuz it's so damn freakin' ugly now.

This was the catching monster dance which we all made the last amendment one day before the performance. This is us being downstage with the audience. Scary, nerve-racking moment but I still looked blur.

The same dance. Adrenaline pumping...

I think this is the coolest picture of all. The light had an ghostly effect on our shadows. Who would have thought it would have such a brilliant effect?

PTUM was a success. It wasn't about the performance that made the days so memorable. It was the process of it. Who would have guessed we would shed our tears the moment we think the days we, being together are going to end? It was truly a bitter-sweet moment. Thank you so much to all the bureaus that have made this possible. Thank you so much to PTUM. I learnt so much-- To seize each moment, to manage my time, to control my emotions. It was a battel-field, a life-changing experience.

Baby Prosperous

2009-10-08T06:23:00.003+08:00

One of the best things that I am rewarded by God in life is this little dog who has colour up our life in every way that is possible. She touches our heart with her little paw in each breaking dawn, wags her tail to welcome us, kisses us with her furry mouth whenever she sees a chance, etc etc. It's always a very welcoming sight to see her.

It's insane how humans are up for materialistic items in this era to make them happy when all we need everyday is love and those little creatures whom we regard as our pets thrive on the generosity of love that we are ready to offer. Prosperous doesn't live on expensive dog biscuit like any other expensive dog breeds. She prefers whatever left-over food like the juicy bones that are full with our salivas and she thrives on our love. All she ever asked for is to be part of us. To sleep in the same room like what my bro and sis do, to sit in the car to experience the cool breeze from the window and most of all to share the same mother with the 3 of us. Mind you, she gets jealous whenever our mommy sits on the same sofa with us.

She's sick for 2 days. Since she's being such a babe to us, I am heading back to Kuantan after my Grandpa Bill's class. Some might regard as being insane but then I feel sad for them who doesn't know the value of life. Prosperous is not any kind of dog. She's our baby Prosperous and she's my little sister.

Charlie aka Rove Beetle

2009-09-19T00:57:00.007+08:00

My friends noticed two scratches on my skin last week but I did not give a damn about it because it looked like a normal scratches to me. After 3 days, it turned out to be skin dermatitis.

A junior asked me where did I get the scratches from. I told her I didn't recall I was scratched by anything or maybe because I was too tired to notice. You know, hours of practice had really taken a toll on me for these few weeks. She told me I might be bitten by Charlie. God knows what's Charlie!!! Charlie is not a person, it's an insect exactly like the picture above.

I went to the students' clinic in 12th college the next day and the doctor didn't even know what happened to my skin. So, she prescribed a 4-days medication for me. The pharmacist gave me Fucidin, a cream for me to get rid of the tiny little puss along the scratches; the smelly antibiotic and the viagra-like anti-viral drug.

Better beware of your surrounding. Charlie the Rove Beetle must have crawled onto my towel when I was taking bath. I googled the beetle out for more information and it stated there that its venom is 12 times more poisonous than a cobra's venom. Wow!!! No wonder my skin is such a turn off now.

Charlie can be found in the toilet cuz it's such a perverted insect! It likes the humidity and if you're staying close the forest or the paddy field, you might even find it staring at you on your wall. It's so tiny (1 cm) long that you won't even notice it's hiding under your clothes or your towel.

P.S. If you hate your friend, you can give him a Charlie :)

Responsibility

2009-09-15T06:56:00.004+08:00

It's pouring heavily outside and the breath of wind keeps swaying the trees causing the leaves to slap against one another. It's funny how the weather reflect what I am feeling now. Emotions are running high, problems keep repeating itself in my mind and I feel like shaking up someone around me to make them understand the little predicaments that they thought I'm facing but still, I can't slap them because those are the little respect that I reserve for my friends.

My heart feels heavy. My eyes feel like welling up tears. I plead y'all to hear because I can't be doing this all alone. I feel like shouting because nobody can hear me. I yearn for my ranting session because there's when I can really pour my heart out because the way I see it, I'm all doomed. The only road that I see is leading down to my own graveyard.

Expectations are hard to meet especially in PTUM where everyone is expected to be fast enough to catch what the choreographer is trying to convey with a maximum of 2 times demonstration. Unfortunately, I'm slow. The female choreographer warned me for 4 times and almost scolded me during my last dancing practice with her. Maybe I'm nothing, no talent, no good looks to make everyone around me like me but just a blur face... Who am I to blame? My father's sperm? My mom's ovum? Can I even blame my genes? I don't know who to blame cuz there's no one to blame and that's the reason for me not to well up my tears because now all I am having now is my pride.

The same goes to the extra-curricular activities that I am taking for the sake of my credit hours. Having experience in Rhythmic Gymnastic, I'm given a task by the lecturer to choreograph all the dance for a whole 11 minutes. The things that I think are easy, are hard for them and therefore, I don't even know what I am doing anymore. I blame myself for that. Most of all, I blame myself for being to enthusiastic about that at the beginning of this semester. Now, all I want is to be off the hook, to shake off the responsibility.

Every word that Dr.Fernandez enunciated from her own mouth happened to be true. An undergraduate has no social life. All that is meant for life is about task, responsibilities and commitment towards your assignments, lectures, exams and other activities that will make your resume appeals to your prospective employer.

Recycled Post

2009-08-24T06:28:00.003+08:00

I would like to thank my twin sister, Arulselvi for reminding me of the essay to be submitted today. Then, I would like to thank Anna for her heroic rescue in suggesting ways for me to copy an essay. Last but not least, my father for presenting me an essay to be handed in a day after his birthday.

I'm sorry Pn. Jothi for plagiarizing my own blog to come up with this simple-yet-hard-to-do essay.

SOMEONE IDEAL THAT INFLUENCED MY CAREER AS A FUTURE TEACHER

It is the time of the year again where we will light up the candles on the cake to celebrate my father's birthday. My father is fifty-four years old but nothing reminds him of his old age, not even his hair.

My father used to call me a big devilish head because of my intense habit to make both my sister and brother cried. Fortunately, that habit was brought to a halt with my loss of innocence but reminiscing about my teenage days made me missed being a big bully, launching rubber wars with my siblings. Back then, I threw erasers until they hit their foreheads. They retaliated back by teaming up and stone me with all the erasers they had. When they lose, they used the most powerful weapon of all which is no other than their annoying cries that made my father warned me to be what a 'big sister' supposed to be.

Without my father, I would not be here in University of Malaya, studying the hardest text ever which is the Shakespearean play. I used to be a very weak student. I hid my exam papers occasionally from my mom when they were marked with an ugly B or C because she was like the fiery monster scolding me from top to toe, comparing me with her colleagues' children. My father, on the other hand, would always be there to take my report card, strategize a way for me to improve by leaps and bounds. He always tell me, "Ah Chin, one step at a time. Now you must catch up with Chee Ee Van and work your way up okay?"

Sometimes the things you learnt when you were little are put into practice until this fateful day. My father is the epitome of an ideal teacher who had taught me about the ways of life. Being who I am today is definitely nothing to be proud of because I am not making people awed with a white uniform. I will be a teacher clad in what everyone would wear, humble enough in my ways to make students come to me so that I am able to teach them not only English but also share with them the ways of life like what my father has taught me.

Happy Birthday, Papa!!!

2009-08-22T06:45:00.003+08:00

This post is specially dedicated to my very handsome, loving, caring and heroic father.

I love you so much and these words with 26 alphabets and a few syllables aren't enough to wrap up what I feel in my heart. I'm having stuffy nose but no teary eyes this time around when write this to you. Are you by my side when I type this? You'd probably be laughing out loud seeing me typing, deleting a whole line of sentence, retyping the same sentence again. This is specially for you, papa.

.....O.....O.....O.....O.....O.....O.....O.....O.....O.....O.....O.....O.....O.....O...

It's the time of the year again where we would light up the candles on the cake to celebrate my father's birthday. My father is 54 years old today but nothing reminds him of old age, not even his hair. He is endowed with jet-black hair, without 1 strand of grey hair when I last saw him.

My father calls me big devil head cuz of my intense habit to make both my sister and brother cry. I don't do that now but I miss the occasion when I was being a big bully carrying out rubber (erasers) war with my siblings. Back then, I threw erasers until it hit their foreheads, they retaliated by teaming up and stoned me with their 2 pencil cases of erasers. When they lose, they used the most powerful weapon of all-- their cries that made my father warned me to be what a 'big sister' supposed to be.

Without my father, I would not be here in UM, taking up TESL, studying the hardest text and that is none other than Shakespeare. I used to be a very weak student and I occasionally hid my exam papers from my mom when I got a B or a C cuz my mom was like the fiery monster scolding me from top to toe, comparing me with whatshisname or whatshername and pinch me on my ear or my waist. My father on the other hand, would always be there to take my report card, strategize a way to work my way up. He always tell me, "Ah b, 1 step at a time. Now you must catch up with Chee Ee Van and work your way up, okay?" Voila, I am in UM while Ee Van is somewhere in Kuantan I think.

We have been through so much. I take pride that you're my father. I look up to you for moulding me to be what I am today.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PAPA! I'm sorry that I can't be with mommy, may may and didi to celebrate your birthday this year.

I can still remember your joke. You told me when you grow old, you will hold my hand, walk on the street and tell people around you that you have a young girlfriend. I will be in Jaya One today to buy you a cake. You can tell your friends that is your young girlfriend today because that is what birthday boy gets. They get their wishes come true :) Yeah, you're a birthday boy cuz you're always young at heart :P

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN and you're 54.

A Challenge for Myself

2009-08-08T13:51:00.003+08:00

The trip to Genting Highland was undoubtedly a compensation for my tiresome days in campus. I got to breathe many breaths of clean, cooling, invigorating air, I played rounds of stuffs that children will play like Merry-Go-Round, the jet that went round and round, I experienced the thrill of Space Shot and all these were made possible with around RM100.

Enough with the elaboration already and now I am being pulled down to Earth with the gravity of money crisis. I am ashamed to say this but I only have Rm100 in my bank account and I am even more ashamed to ask money from my mom.

I hereby challenge myself to use my RM100 wisely to survive for 10 days.

I am going to fill up my stomach with instant mee at least for 1 meal a day.
I am going out only for lectures, meals and college activities.
I am going to set aside RM25 for the fee of our Chinese Community membership.
I am going to set aside RM15 for Pesta Tanglung UM's T-shirt.
I am going to set aside RM20 for the dance troupe camp.

I seriously don't know how I am going to survive these 10 days with RM40 for my meals. I shouldn't have gone to Genting in the first place. I'm in deep regret and in a deep shit!

I love me, myself and I

2009-08-05T17:34:00.003+08:00

I am not a Peeping-Jane but I really love to stare at guys secretly because some of them are worth my attention. This doesn't make me a paedophile or a nymphomaniac because as the matter of fact we all gaze. Guys love gazing at beautiful girls with slender body and girls love to gaze at guys with well-toned body. According to the theory of objectification,the person we are gazing at is objectified whose sole value is to be enjoyed or to be possessed by the voyeur but I am not a voyeur. I am just s new fan of the gaze theory.

If I see a cute guy somewhere in the campus, I look at him then happily tell my friend who is with me that he is cute and that is the end to it. I don't leave my friends to follow the cute guy around the campus to stalk him so that I can have a longer moment to stare at him. In fact, I think I stare at myself in the mirror more than I look at any other guys.

I think I love to objectified myself. I think I myself is the object of my own pleasure and enjoyment. I am a voyeur to my own image because I would go to the bathroom in the wee hours, say 6am to gaze at myself from top to toe until I am completely mesmerized with my own look. I tend to stare at myself for 5 minutes long in the bathroom observing the brownish colour of my hair, my eyebrow, my eyes, my own posture, waist and everything. I know I am obsess with myself.

I think I am beautiful until the haze hit Petaling Jaya. With the hazardous air I am breathing in, the dust that stick onto my face whenever I walk out from my room, the 1 litre of water I am drinking and the food that I am taking are seriously taking a toll on my skin.

I am having breakouts but I can't upload the picture here because of the defective bluetooth I am having in my lappy.

So, I uploaded the picture of me when I was in my 1st year in University of Malaya.

I have a bad skin complexion yeah? But who cares, I am still good-looking!

Ne-Yo's 'So Sick'

2009-07-30T16:25:00.004+08:00

Ne-Yo's song 'So Sick' stuck on my head the whole day and the catchy chorus made my roommate sang it with me the whole day up until now. It didn't stop there. It poisoned Alicia's mind too.

This is how I let my creative juice flow in a good way. I corrupt the whole lyric :)

Please sing it with me at least for once!!!

Gotta hide the cell phone that I have,
Cause it's mocking me,
It just keep reminding me,
All the things we do.
And it's so tempting,
To call you on the phone,
Cuz it'll make me hear your voice evermore.

(It's ridiculous)
It's been weeks since I've spoken to you.
(You ain't calling back)
Dunno why I'm feeling this, No...
(But enough, is enough)
No more crying with tissue around
I don't wanna be the one
Only wanting you.

I am so sick of love song,
So sick of you,
So tired of thinking,
Why ain't you here,
I'm so sick of love songs,
So sad and low,
Why can't I brush off the thoughts of you?

Gotta fix the broken heart that I have,
That's marked the day you left,
Because since there's no more you,
There'll always be a tomorrow,
I'll not think twice of you,
I'm moving on,
And I not be reminded you chucking me.

That's the reason I'm so sick of love song,
So sick of you,
So tired of thinking,
Why ain't you here,
I'm so sick of love songs,
So sad and low,
Why can't I brush off the thoughts of you?

So what you left?
So what you left?
Stupid dumb guy
Don't you beg me to take you back.
Or calling me again.
I'm letting go.
I'm so done with you now.

Cuz I am so sick of love song,
So sick of you,
So tired of thinking,
Why ain't you here,
I'm so sick of love songs,
So sad and low,
Why can't I brush off the thoughts of you?
Why can't I brush off the thoughts of you?

I am so sick of love song,
So sick of you,
So tired of thinking,
Why ain't you here,
I'm so sick of love songs,
So sad and low,
I can now brush off the thoughts of you!

I am so sick of love song,
So sick of you,
So tired of thinking,
Why ain't you here,
I'm so sick of love songs,
So sad and low,
Why can't I brush off the thoughts of you?
I can now brush off the thoughts of you.
I can now brush off the thoughts of you!!!

Yay, I love gals' power!!! I am SO SICK with myself singing the song now :(

Fucking Hate Dancing!

2009-07-27T22:33:00.002+08:00

I went for the audition for PTUM. When I got back from the energy-draining audition, I thought I'd totally nailed it. Unfortunately, it turned out to be the opposite. My juniors got it while I got no reply from them.

This made me question myself for the whole day. Who am I to choreograph and lead a dance troupe when I myself is not even qualified for a bigger event in UM. What am I doing all these while, choreographing when I don't even have the talent? I feel so shameful, so disappointed that I actually look up and appreciate every little things I did for my residential college.

Arul asked me to snap the thoughts out from my mind. How could I when it questions what I am trying to achieve all these while? What's my talent? Do I even have a talent for dancing or was it just passion?

Dancing is my life, it is just how I express myself...

And I so fucking hate dancing right now!!!

Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Love and Hate

2009-07-25T20:30:00.003+08:00

I am glad that I am finally in tuned with what this semester has to offer.

Wow, it's unbelievable I almost took 1 month to be in touch with everything from the tip to the bottom and from the bottom to the tip, from the toilet to my room, from my room to the campus, so on and so forth. Yup, I am babbling and because of my constant babbling and weird behaviour in my room, my roommate, Mei Shu left (sob, sob). Well, it seems like the college administrator is having problem with only two people in a room so they presented us with another roomie, Helin. I think that's her name because I'm no good when it comes to remembering names. Better take this as an official opportunity to welcome her.

HEY, HELIN WELCOME TO OUR ROOM! SINCE YOU'RE PART OF THE GROUP NOW, YOU'RE REQUIRED TO SIGN THIS DOCUMENT SAYING THAT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SNORE, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE A DIRTY ROOMIE AND MOST OF ALL YOU'RE GOING TO BE GOOD TO ME AND BE BAD TO PRISCILLA. Nyeh, nyeh, nyeh~~ Just kidding :P

Ah, I just love being back here with everyone eventhough I am not really a social animal. Every semester you are required to meet different lecturers with different expectations and this semester itself I have at least 3 lecturers that keep me on guard. The constant rush to class, the adrenaline pumping questions posted by most of my lecturers, the 1st and 2nd wave of assignments and the constant running here and there have been a good stimulant for these 3 weeks.

Reality checks:
1) Life in university or college is about freedom.
Yup, it certainly is. You can stay in this university for up to 6 years and if you aren't gonna graduate then you ain't gonna graduate. Take responsible for everything- ur grades, ur attendance, etc etc.

2) Your momma not gonna nag around for you to do housework.
As much as I hate doing housework, but if you don't do the cleaning on weekend, the whole residential college is going to know that you're wearing your unwashed undies, you soak your clothing in the toilet until it becomes wormy, etc etc.

3)Only cool people exist in universities.
University is just like school. You're going to get a paper qualification for being a nerd, pretty, awesome if you take life in university a bit seriously.

and the list goes on and on...

What I hate about university is that people tend to be judgmental. You went out with whathisname or whathername and you're going to get people talking, teasing and stereotyping you. You take TESL and people expect you to speak like Caucasian and become their walking and talking dictionary. When you are into literature and stuffs people assume you knowing nuts about some basic medication stuffs like taking too much of paracetamol will eventually cause renal failure. Be glad that I don't bite back, you stereotypical jerks!!!

I was also frustrated with people taking my work for their own credit. For instance, I participated in an event and was supposed to get a certificate for it but someone just took away what I deserved and wrote their freakin' name on it.

I was disappointed with the residents on my floor. Look, I can understand that the monkeys might mess up the place pretty much everyday but I can't understand why grown-ups can leave their dirty panties in the bathroom, chocolate stains from the anus at the side of the toilet bowl. How can you aim to be here in this prestigious varsity when you can't aim right!!! Get what I mean??? Okay, I'm done...

Throw away your comfort thoughts that university life is just about honeymoon years and late night partying because it is not! It's a place to grow, to prepare yourself for the world out there.

Embracing The New

2009-07-11T07:17:00.002+08:00

Hi, this is Li Chin reporting from one of the most renowned college in University of Malaya. Loyal readers of mine, forgive me for my disappearing act. I'm feeling a real shift in my life eventhough I have just survived the first week of my new semester. I have been wanting to blog again these few days but the internet connection here and the 1st wave of assignments I got from my lecturers just suck the energy out of my body. This post is going to be about me rambling about my new semester here.

I hope I have a camera here with me to snap the pinkish majestic sky in the evening, the beautiful KL city lighting up at night and so on. Yup, to be able to view what nature and KL have to offer requires me to stay high up on the building. I'm the wannabe Rapunzel living on the forth floor near the juggle where those friendly and nosy residents with tail from the green area would like to pay many visits. My room heats up like everyone else's room in the evening but it cools of quickly because high altitude place is always cooling. Aside from the surprise visit from the monkeys and the staircase I have to climb in order to reach my room, I have nothing to complain about.

As a TESLian, I have always wished that I can have an English speaking roommate to practice my speaking, to create an environment that would help me in the two areas of English- listening and speaking. This semester, I have May Shu or Mei Shu (from the business faculty) and Priscilla, my own coursemate as my fellow roommates. I have been thinking that wishes do come true but sometimes because God is too busy, our wishes might take quite some time to come true.

While I am trying to make this post sound as interesting as possible, my stomach is calling out for food. Unfortunately for us, our residential college chose not to provide any food for its residents anymore. The only restaurants that are available in walking distance are our own mamak stalls which provides us with non-lip-smacking food, the KFC, and the food stall in Mahsa College. College is charging us RM900+ for the whole semester and the food ain't that cheap in any of the premises. With my own calculation, I'll surely burn a hole in my wallet in August.

I'll stop talking about college and now I'll elaborate on my life in campus.

I am taking 19 credit hours this semester. I made a lecturer speechless in my first week to light up the class in a funny way. I think it's karma cuz I get another lecturer making the whole class speechless by using his own tactics by telling us his rigid way of marking and the waves of assignments we'll all anticipate each week. To make things bearable, we have a lecturer that is quite encouraging in Action Research and a lecturer that look up to me in helping her with the choreography in Rhythmic Gymnastic. Last but not least, we have a lecturer that will help us in our proficiencies by hook or by crook. These lecturers that I mentioned, I have never been taught by them.

Moving on to the familiar ones are Mr. Templer that has found his way to make good jokes this semester and Miss Charity, our tutor that holds ransom for the movie Titus Andronicus until we've all finished reading the original text of the play.

I will have to stop with the rambling for now. I have my 1st wave of assignment to drown my lovely weekend.

I can visualize that on the Monday itself, I'll be on the run with Arul to the libraries, the bookstore and so on just to get our hands on some limited edition books. I'm being sarcastic here if y'all are not aware.

I can even imagine the look on Pn.Jothi's face the minute she get to my essay about addiction. I am not writing about drugs, alcohol or nicotine addiction but love addiction. Wish me luck on that.

Everything is new about this semester. It really takes a lot of courage for me to embrace them because I am a girl about the same old routine. However, there's a lot of excitement about new stuffs and that the unfamiliar ground always turbo-charged me with anticipation for more adventures and for a brand new day.

Over A Cheescake

2009-06-25T10:26:00.003+08:00

With 5 of them serving for their Industrial Training, 1 of them working in an audit firm and 2 of them having lotsa fun with humans' health in Russia, the lazy ones are here to laze around in Kuantan to make the most out of our holiday as the compensation for our pathetic and yet hectic campus lives. We had our rows of gathering in a week because of Jin Hong's short-lived semester break and this was the result-- baking cheese cake in Jin Hong's house. Yup, Li Chin is learning the ropes in the kitchen!!!

Following the instructions in the recipe book, I was given the task to beat egg I think. I can't remember cuz it was weeks ago and I am blogging about it now because blogging is better than cleaning the toilet right? Yup, cheese cake and toilet, what a good comparison. The girl with her beaming smile was Jin Hong. I remembered that girl. She made me cried like a kid when I was in Form One cuz I just couldn't help her with the Merdeka drawing. What a little monster!!! It was a sweet memory though.

The picture above with our enchanting smiles was me and Yong Feng. I know grammatically I should say Yong Feng and I but me and Yong Feng sounds better, does it or does it not? Nevermind. We were just really happy cause we were almost done with our cheese cake!!! That girl has a really prosperous life I heard. Never good in cooking, never good in baking but she's learning her ropes like me during this long break.

Under that roof, there were another 2 girls but their photos were not uploaded in this post because I was just too lazy to upload it. Thiam Hui was somewhere in Jin Hong's house, washing the dishes. I was washing the oily stuffs too and Mun Pan was upstairs with her Restaurant City.

After 40 minutes, our cake was finally out from the oven, and shortly slices of them were in our stomach. It was a really delicious cake although it was our first attempt in making it.

This picture was a turn off. Yong Feng uploaded it on Facebook and the rest was history...

I am glad that this holidays really rekindled my bond with them. Hope, I will no longer put up a disappearing act once my new semester begin.