Clarity

You don't need to try hard to understand me. I spill most of my thoughts in my blog so much so that people are able to detect my flaws and weaknesses easily to use them against me.

I have been living in my own little world with the rules I forced myself to follow. I set myself with expectations, the do's and don'ts that I should follow in dealing with some of my problems. Sometimes I feel like I am going to break. I'm tired of all my convictions and my lies.

Just now, in the midst of the rain, I found some clarity towards my gloomy, dark and twisty soul. It seems like unresolved issues in my life are not as confusing as they once were and I think I am finally getting a grip on what I want. Or maybe at least I know the things I don't want.

Somehow, things like this scares me. I don't know how long such peacefulness will last. Life seems to be poking joke on us.

Last few days, when I was reading the play "A Streetcar Named Desire," I felt like I was Blanche Dubois living and thriving on past issues. The only difference was, people felt pitiful for Tennessee Williams' character but I made myself looked pitiful for myself. What a shame...

Hopefully this clarity would not be hazed by my emotional upheaval anytime soon.

Nothing Profound

Something is bothering me. It keeps bugging me when I am reading a few lines from my notes. I shake the thought off for awhile and it keeps coming back till the point that it haunts me in my dream. My shoulders are tensed!!! How I wish someone could just come up to me and offer me a 5-minute massage :)

It's Sunday and Sundays are supposed to be great. But here I am feeling tired all the way from top to toe. I am determined to change my day though. So, I began my day with a cup of coffee, tied my hair like a messy China doll and went down to the hall to get myself breakfast. To hell with what people will say about my messy Malaysian China doll look!!! It's exam week, so people will tend to ease their tension by doing something crazy.

I haven't been shaping my eyebrows for 3 weeks and it's growing like weeds. Seems like personal grooming hasn't been part of my life for this few weeks cuz I am lazy or am I just too hardworking to be hooked on Facebook? I don't know. Maybe I'll groom myself today by getting rid of those cacti from my legs, I'll shape my eyebrows, I'll go to Rheita's room and borrow that headphone so I'll get to watch Dr.Faustus and The Importance of Being Earnest before my exam on 2/5/09. If I am extra hardworking, maybe I'll finish finding the answer for the 1st and 2nd questions for Teaching Drama.

I am setting my expectations low.

And this one is just another random post cuz I just feel like updating. Yeah, it's nothing profound.

Unusual Encounter In The Morning

I have heard a wonderful story from someone close. The fact that people are tolerant towards quite a number of people having disgraceful attitude moves me to change my personal outlook on life. It's not too late for me to realize God's creation serves quite a number of purpose. Rude people are around to test your patience, the existence of irresponsible people to make you lead, beautiful people to make you impress and so on. All in all, you learn about life from one another.

For these two days, I change the way I lead my life. I walk around in the residential college in the morning to feel the morning sun and the cooling breeze after a long night of study, I go to the library for my revision and also to chance on great looking guys from the Middle East, I study at the intellectual square between the guys' dorm, I enjoy the night scenery with some food outside my room, etc etc. Those are the little things I have changed so far and it is enough to keep me happy. I guess I am a girl with little things to ask for.

This morning was different from all the other mornings I am blessed to experienced. Things go like this if you put 2 people like Li Chin and RJ around.


IN MSN MESSENGER

RJ(♂) says:

morning gal..

SmoothTan says:

morning gal

RJ(♂) says:

both works fine for me..

SmoothTan says:

wow...how come?

RJ(♂) says:

i'm a guy tat appeared a gal..

RJ(♂) says:

u hv problem wif tat?

SmoothTan says:

nope...

RJ(♂) says:

good..

RJ(♂) says:

=D

SmoothTan says:

so...having sleeping prob again???

SmoothTan says:

midnite now?

RJ(♂) says:

yep.

RJ(♂) says:

just starting to study..

SmoothTan says:

wow

SmoothTan says:

exam tomoro?

RJ(♂) says:

ermm..

RJ(♂) says:

u hv a problem wif that?

SmoothTan says:

erm...u hv a prob with dat ques?

SmoothTan says:

u've asked me twice

RJ(♂) says:

yeah..

RJ(♂) says:

indeed u hv a problem wif that?

SmoothTan says:

nah...

SmoothTan says:

u hv a prob with me nt having prob with dat?

RJ(♂) says:

obviously i'm a man wif no problem wif anything.

SmoothTan says:

good

SmoothTan says:

nice to hear dat

RJ(♂) says:

r u?

RJ(♂) says:

i dun think so..

SmoothTan says:

y?

RJ(♂) says:

cos ur exclaimation shows d opposite..

SmoothTan says:

well...it's just the way u read it

SmoothTan says:

try reading it in another way

RJ(♂) says:

either way pointin d same direction..

SmoothTan says:

nice to hear DAT

SmoothTan says:

more sarcastic

SmoothTan says:

NICE to hear dat

SmoothTan says:

okay wat

RJ(♂) says:

obviously...either one of us is off d frequency...

RJ(♂) says:

wat r u talking about again?

SmoothTan says:

nvm

RJ(♂) says:

lol..

RJ(♂) says:

i was talking about ur "wow"...

SmoothTan says:

yeah wow cuz i dun study at midnite

RJ(♂) says:

and only ppl that hv problem about wat i'm doin says wow...

SmoothTan says:

i must admit dat many of us are nocturnal human beings

RJ(♂) says:

well..

RJ(♂) says:

it doesn't matter..

RJ(♂) says:

d person that hv d most bucks counts...=D

SmoothTan says:

yeah cuz dat's the measure of achievement...

SmoothTan says:

ppl dun measure ur achiement with paper qualification but with the type of house u own, the gal u hv, the money in ur wallet, the phone u r using n so on

SmoothTan says:

right?

RJ(♂) says:

ermm...

SmoothTan says:

y?

RJ(♂) says:

i won't change ur mind if u think so..

SmoothTan says:

it's the fact

RJ(♂) says:

hrmmm...

AND THERE GOES OUR INTELLECTUAL DEBATE ( EARLY IN THE MORNING FOR ME, MIDNITE FOR HIM CUZ HE'S IN GLASGOW)

SmoothTan says:

money is the measure of achievement

RJ(♂) says:

hrmmm....

RJ(♂) says:

i respectfully disagree...

SmoothTan says:

okay rebut

RJ(♂) says:

ppl that achieve self-actualization...

RJ(♂) says:

money doesn't matter anymore..

RJ(♂) says:

that's why money isn't d top of maslow hierarchy..

RJ(♂) says:

OF NEED...

SmoothTan says:

wow you impressed me

SmoothTan says:

MASLOW hierrachy

RJ(♂) says:

money can only satisfy d 2 lower level of maslow hierarchy of needs..

SmoothTan says:

elaborate

RJ(♂) says:

money can buy u food, sex, clothes, roof on ur head and etc...

RJ(♂) says:

but money can't buy self-esteem...

RJ(♂) says:

nor self actualization..

SmoothTan says:

icic

SmoothTan says:

u should join debate

SmoothTan says:

go

RJ(♂) says:

whoever is still struggling to work for money...they r still struggling wif first 2 level of needs...

RJ(♂) says:

those work is working wat they wan...they will hv certain self-esteem..

SmoothTan says:

yeah our parents

RJ(♂) says:

that money can no longer buy them over..

RJ(♂) says:

but when they achieved self-actualization...it's just like dream come true...

SmoothTan says:

hahaha

SmoothTan says:

icic

RJ(♂) says:

not many will b there....but v shouldn't b discouraged...

RJ(♂) says:

that where v should aim...

RJ(♂) says:

but if v give up our dream just for money...i

RJ(♂) says:

i'll say that...that's really pathetic..

SmoothTan says:

i think money helps to ease ur way to ur dream

SmoothTan says:

when ppl's needs are met only then they can achieve self-actualization

SmoothTan says:

because not many ppl actually achieve self-actualization, not many ppl can really measure from the view that self-actualization is the measure of achievement in human life

SmoothTan says:

when ppl's needs have been met, that is when they can pursue their desire and their dream

RJ(♂) says:

that's d second argument i was about to say..

RJ(♂) says:

den how to measure a person's achievement wif money?

RJ(♂) says:

d person earning most bucks means they r just d best slave around...

SmoothTan says:

money buys u food

SmoothTan says:

without money u'll be worrying ur wits off

SmoothTan says:

aftertat u won't get good sleep

RJ(♂) says:

if eating alot of food is wat u like n wat u do best....i guess...yeah..

RJ(♂) says:

that's goot..

RJ(♂) says:

*good

SmoothTan says:

when u can't get gd sleep that affects ur hormone secretion

SmoothTan says:

when hormone is imbalanced the whole body goes haywire

SmoothTan says:

that's when problem comes in when u r sick

SmoothTan says:

so money is needed to buy u psychological needs

SmoothTan says:

it helps you to own a house

SmoothTan says:

giving safety to ur family

RJ(♂) says:

money satisfy d lower part of d hierarchy...

SmoothTan says:

yup

RJ(♂) says:

a successful person is d person either after self-actualization or already hv it..

SmoothTan says:

it helps to fulfill ur basic needs only then you can proceed to another level in MASLOW hierrachy of needs.

RJ(♂) says:

not by measure of number is zeros in his account.

RJ(♂) says:

though, number of zeros comes together when he achieved his dreams..

SmoothTan says:

so i think this thing goes hand in hand

SmoothTan says:

money helps

RJ(♂) says:

depends on what u r after..

SmoothTan says:

but u hv to earn it earnestly or else ppl will shun u off

RJ(♂) says:

michael jordan dun need hell lot of cash..

RJ(♂) says:

=D

SmoothTan says:

cuz he has hell lots of cash

SmoothTan says:

his basic needs r met

RJ(♂) says:

but he dun need hell lot of casg to b there.

RJ(♂) says:

all u need is passion n desire...d real passion n desire in u that will bring u to self-actualization...not money....

SmoothTan says:

passion n desire also bring u to money

SmoothTan says:

it helps you to work for long hours

RJ(♂) says:

but not money bring u passion n desire...

SmoothTan says:

in the end...u'll get money

SmoothTan says:

with money u can do whatever u want

RJ(♂) says:

in processs of fulfilling...d money just comes along though u dun need them..

SmoothTan says:

it helps to achieve passion n desire

RJ(♂) says:

it's not earning money just to do watever u want...

SmoothTan says:

history has it in abundance that people got irritated when one race was earning much more than the others.

RJ(♂) says:

jealousy is another element of human being...

SmoothTan says:

jealousy bcuz of money?

RJ(♂) says:

u do best when u r doing the things u hv passion of...

RJ(♂) says:

and process of doing wat u do best...u make ur bucks..

SmoothTan says:

not good = lil money

SmoothTan says:

best = lotsa money

SmoothTan says:

dat's what drives ppl to be the best

RJ(♂) says:

but doin wat u do best is wat u want to do...u no need money to do watever u want...cos u already doing wat u want..

SmoothTan says:

i need money to do watever i want

RJ(♂) says:

how to do best if ur heart is thinking of doin some other thing u want?

SmoothTan says:

i want to travel the world

RJ(♂) says:

that's very very very wrong...

RJ(♂) says:

it's a sad case where ppl fall for this..

SmoothTan says:

without money i can't travel the world

RJ(♂) says:

believing only money can allow them to do wat they want to do..

SmoothTan says:

it depends on the things u want to do

THAT'S WHEN THE ARGUMENTS GET A BIT PERSONAL...

RJ(♂) says:

u say u wanna travel d world...but do u hv any idea of travelling?

SmoothTan says:

dun say i dun hv the idea

RJ(♂) says:

stepping into ppls land is NOT travelling..

SmoothTan says:

i wanted to bring my mom along cuz she works hard enough for me

SmoothTan says:

dat's y i want to earn more money

SmoothTan says:

so that i can give her a good life

SmoothTan says:

i already met all her needs

SmoothTan says:

i didn't bcome bad

SmoothTan says:

n struggle to be in U

SmoothTan says:

so when i go out

SmoothTan says:

i wana make bucks

SmoothTan says:

to give her the better quality of life

SmoothTan says:

cuz of all her hard work

SmoothTan says:

i've seen the cases of my frens...they got their years in U entended bcuz they need the PTPTN money to help the family

SmoothTan says:

sad cases

SmoothTan says:

if u can make money...u can help the world

RJ(♂) says:

it's all about money huh?

RJ(♂) says:

i guess i hv been living a world of ideal..

SmoothTan says:

u hv ur own view

SmoothTan says:

i hv mine

RJ(♂) says:

it's pretty idealistic to me now..

RJ(♂) says:

i guess i'm lucky..

SmoothTan says:

u can't say ppl dat goes all out for money r in sad business

SmoothTan says:

bcuz it's not

RJ(♂) says:

but i believe money is roots of all evil..

SmoothTan says:

see...it depends on ur beliefs

SmoothTan says:

i bliv money can help

RJ(♂) says:

that's why i say i won't change ur mind.

RJ(♂) says:

probably...if u spend so much effort to get money.

RJ(♂) says:

i dun think u r going to give them away easily..

SmoothTan says:

i give them...

SmoothTan says:

i do my charity

SmoothTan says:

i gv rm5

RJ(♂) says:

=D

SmoothTan says:

bcuz dat's only wat i can give

SmoothTan says:

this month

SmoothTan says:

cuz mother's day is around the corner

SmoothTan says:

my mom's birthday is in june

SmoothTan says:

there r 3 schools of thoughts about money- it brings evil, it brings good and it brings neither good or bad

SmoothTan says:

the question is how u earn it n how u spend it

RJ(♂) says:

money is something i won't waste time on looking..

RJ(♂) says:

i'll look for something more important..

SmoothTan says:

passion?

SmoothTan says:

cuz money can never b enough huh?

SmoothTan says:

u r right too

SmoothTan says:

so really...it depends on wat u wana achieve

RJ(♂) says:

money will just comes along.

RJ(♂) says:

i won't spend time bothering about it.

SmoothTan says:

okay

SmoothTan says:

u give me a nice debate this morning

SmoothTan says:

shud have met a fren like u earlier!!!

SmoothTan says:

maybe i can make it into the debate team

SmoothTan says:

hahahaha

RJ(♂) says:

u can't?

I wonder whether I can get another round of debate with him or not to prepare me for my Proficiency test tomorrow. It would be hell lot of fun and practice.

Li Chin on Hairstyles and Her Tooth.

Hey guys, I know it's exam time and I should be there studying, not sitting here blogging or facebooking. You know, girls are always thinking about those minor stuffs about their appearance and I think I spend much of my time worrying about my hair, my face, my physique rather than my assignments or exams.

Give me an opinion here okay? Which one is better?

The kind of hairstyle I am having now.

This is the normal look when I am attending lecture with a longer fringe than the picture below since I have no time to go for a haircut. A friend commented that I look plain with this kinda hair.

This was the look I have last year. Half bob and half long since I wanted to be so different from my friends. Is a good haircut considering that you can have short hair for one day and long hair another day.

This picture was taken two weeks ago. Since the fringe I am having is long, I clip it up most of the time.

So, this summarizes the hairstyle of mine on normal, boring days when I am going for lectures, tutorials, when I am in my residential college and so on. It's the lazy look without much styling.


The kind of hairstyle I have when I have the mood to look good.

The messy look that requires me put on hair-spray, brushing my hair up and down to create volume and blow dry it.

This also requires a lot of work. I have to plait close to my scalp my hair when it is still wet. I wonder whether I would go bald if I do this often.

This look is easier considering that I have to plait and bun up my hair before I sleep. The next day, I would have to hardened it with the hairspray before I let down my hair to create this bed-head.


Curly Hair

I curled for RM45 for my Malam Perdana Sembilan since I wanted to see how I would look with curls.

Smaller curls for bigger hair because I wanted to know whether with this big hair I would look like Einstein.

Turns out I look completely fine and a bit on the gothic side.

Big, loose curls in my first attempt to curl my hair. Not bad.

Straightened Hair
This was the straight hair I had when I attended my first Malam Perdana Sembilan at the end of my Year 1.

A closer look since my mom always commented that I look better with my straight hair.

Do I look better with straight hair? Which suits me better? Please leave comments.

Did y'all notice my tooth there? My mom had been pestering me to go to the dentist for consultation. So, I went to the clinic to get his advice. He suggested crowning. I need to extract my tooth and he will use the scary tool that has the sound 'greeeeekkkkkk.....grrrrrr....' to make my other tooth smaller so that the man-made teeth (cuz got two teeth) can be planted into my gums. It will cost me RM450 and I will go toothless (lack of one teeth) for 10 days :( So much for nicer teeth...