Clarity

You don't need to try hard to understand me. I spill most of my thoughts in my blog so much so that people are able to detect my flaws and weaknesses easily to use them against me.

I have been living in my own little world with the rules I forced myself to follow. I set myself with expectations, the do's and don'ts that I should follow in dealing with some of my problems. Sometimes I feel like I am going to break. I'm tired of all my convictions and my lies.

Just now, in the midst of the rain, I found some clarity towards my gloomy, dark and twisty soul. It seems like unresolved issues in my life are not as confusing as they once were and I think I am finally getting a grip on what I want. Or maybe at least I know the things I don't want.

Somehow, things like this scares me. I don't know how long such peacefulness will last. Life seems to be poking joke on us.

Last few days, when I was reading the play "A Streetcar Named Desire," I felt like I was Blanche Dubois living and thriving on past issues. The only difference was, people felt pitiful for Tennessee Williams' character but I made myself looked pitiful for myself. What a shame...

Hopefully this clarity would not be hazed by my emotional upheaval anytime soon.