Boyfriend

Likeness or love is a kind of drug. It just leaves people wanting more and more despite the heartache it may bring. It is hard to imagine how far people can go for love. I'm loveless and therefore I can't go far. Don't say friends and family are loving me because I know I should feel blessed to have that love. But, that is not what I want. I want a love from a guy. I want a boyfriend. Yeah, laugh at me.

I don't feel that I want that in every single moment of my life. It's just when I feel boring or when I see couples walking across me that I just feel me wanting to have a boyfriend. Worst of all, I will most likely start to compare me with some other girls who are no-so-attractive but yet they have a boyfriend. How did they do it? How do they keep their boy despite of the flaws that seem to be quite obvious to me?

Forgive for me being so overly desperate and by so openly stating them out here. It's better to write here than to tell a friend, "Oh, I feel so hopeless because I don't have a boyfriend and I think I won't have one anytime soon cuz I think I am going to become a spinster!!!" And when I write it here, it seems like everyone will read it!!!

I think I just like the word boyfriend. Maybe I am tired of imagining my pillow as the shoulder of my boyfriend. Maybe I want a real shoulder to lean on rather than just my pillow! Maybe I want someone to tell me just how attractive I look when I dress up for something. Most of all, maybe I just want a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean and a whisper of reassuring love when this kind of mood swings hit me. Yup, my period is coming I think. It's the hormones that make me feel that way.

What is love? Addiction? Why everyone wants it? Why some people get it and some people don't? How do they maintain once they have it? Where's mine?