Sunday, 2 May 2010

Sometimes It Is An End To A Journey

"So this is it huh? You're courting me because someone has asked you to take good care of me?" I heaved out those words from my heart. A sense of despair washed over me as he blurted out a yes. As I walked away from the quiet spot where we had our last talk, where I found the closure I had always wanted, I knew a chapter of my life has begun-- a new chapter without what-ifs and if-only, a chapter for me to collect back the pieces of my heart shattered from this stroke of incident.

That night was not an easy night. Veins in my head were pulsing, I was clenching and unclenching my jaw as I realized what a complete fool I had put myself into. I had wasted my whole semester waiting for a guy who was completely over me or a guy who had completely fooled me into thinking that he felt the same way that I did. I pushed aside my frustration and the penetrating pain when I saw him flirting with other girls and pretended as if it did not affect me because I had moved on, I put up a mask of happy face when someone questioned me about him because I did not want to care and my heart did not want to cry. I did not want to expose the naked truth behind this wounded soul and yet I knew I was dying inside.

As I stared out into the dark, fathomable sky, recollecting the moments the images of him corrupting my mind, it hit me hard that missing him was the deadliest poison in my mind. "Why should I deprive myself from happiness?" I questioned myself in the midst of the silent night.

As I waited for the breaking dawn, I consoled myself that I knew what I had signed up from the start. I gave what I had to give and if it was not enough then it was a goodbye. This is life and breaking heart will survive. I will never know what I am capable to achieve if I stay on forever like this on the same familiar ground. There is a maxim that rings loud "There are moments in life that make you and set the course of who you're going to be. Sometimes they're little subtle moments, sometimes they're big moments that you never saw it coming. No one asks for that kind of change and it's what you do afterwards that counts." I turn over a new life and this chapter of my life is about finding back the things I have lost-- my pride, dignity and happiness afterall deep down, I knew I am meant for something greater.

**I am trying to be ambitious...penning down a few words so that I can write a novel one day**