My Suicidal Thought

Loneliness speaks in silent. Sometimes it mocks us despite of the packed lifestyle we have. Most of the time it prompts us to question the emptiness in our heart, it questions the meaning of the things we are doing. We can't build our own escape and so loneliness just eats us up. Loneliness is a space with no air, it makes you struggle to escape and sometimes you just thought of suicidal.

How many times have you question yourself what awaits you the next day or even the next hour? I just feel like walking towards the ocean with roaring waves. Walking towards it, feeling its danger, coming straight to the point so close that I might feel myself drowning. I want to feel the bubbles of air escaping from me till I almost have no more air in my lungs, so close that I might see the point I am leading the way of my life.

Why bother to go to the sea? The knife is always there to do the job. I can always slit my wrist, feel the droplets of my precious red blood oozing out from my body. I don't want to do that cuz a scar on my wrist it a symbol of defeat. I just want to feel the water drowning me and me coming out from the water as a symbol of renewal.

How many times have you done your assignments and in the mist of it you question what is this all about? It just tires you out. When you stop doing it, that's when loneliness creeps in. Why is loneliness so bothersome? How does loneliness arise despite of our hectic lifestyle?

I need a break. I need direction. Otherwise I am drowning in my own sea of assignments...