The Determination Jab

It's one of those days I am missing him again. I already have injected myself with the determination jab to forget all about him but to no avail. Gosh, I'm being so useless, so futile. I'm hating every seconds of him cramping my head with the image of him.

Out of the blue, I logged in to Friendster to get a glimpse of him. My head screamed me to get outta there but my mind asked me to see the whole of his page and it hurts me. The best of it is that it ain't that hurt compared to the time i was in form 6. That's an improvement right?

What are you to do or feel when someone you still love and had been in a relationship with you told you that he can't stop missing is ex (not referring to me...but a particular girl). It made my heart wept when I was sitting there watching someone I love so much telling me he's missing his ex. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them anymore. That happened in Form 6.

I am a girl who doesn't know how to expressed my feelings. That's my handicap (is the spelling right? who cares..) and that cost me to lost someone that is so significant to me. If he ever get to read this page, i just wanna tell him that just because I don't love you the way you want me to, doesn't mean I don't love you with all I have. To you I might be one person, but you're the world to me.

What changes that this page can make? It's pointless i guess. My friends are saying that my love for him is just a puppy love. But if it's what they call a puppy love...i should have moved on easily right? Like i've said in my previous blog, I'm still staring at that pile of sand. Can't seemed to move on. Is not that I'm afraid to let go what seem to be so significant to me, but I just couldn't seem to forget about him.

What joy is joy if thee be not by? I'm sounding so poetic right now. Perhaps I should just knock my head really hard on the wall and lost all my memories of him. I know, i know that i shouldn't have wasted my time waiting for someone who is not willing to waste his time on me. Perhaps, i should not cry because it is over, smile instead because it happened. Maybe I must not try so hard, they say the best thing happens when you least expect them to happen.

I better increase the dosage on my determination jab.