Responsibility

It's pouring heavily outside and the breath of wind keeps swaying the trees causing the leaves to slap against one another. It's funny how the weather reflect what I am feeling now. Emotions are running high, problems keep repeating itself in my mind and I feel like shaking up someone around me to make them understand the little predicaments that they thought I'm facing but still, I can't slap them because those are the little respect that I reserve for my friends.

My heart feels heavy. My eyes feel like welling up tears. I plead y'all to hear because I can't be doing this all alone. I feel like shouting because nobody can hear me. I yearn for my ranting session because there's when I can really pour my heart out because the way I see it, I'm all doomed. The only road that I see is leading down to my own graveyard.

Expectations are hard to meet especially in PTUM where everyone is expected to be fast enough to catch what the choreographer is trying to convey with a maximum of 2 times demonstration. Unfortunately, I'm slow. The female choreographer warned me for 4 times and almost scolded me during my last dancing practice with her. Maybe I'm nothing, no talent, no good looks to make everyone around me like me but just a blur face... Who am I to blame? My father's sperm? My mom's ovum? Can I even blame my genes? I don't know who to blame cuz there's no one to blame and that's the reason for me not to well up my tears because now all I am having now is my pride.

The same goes to the extra-curricular activities that I am taking for the sake of my credit hours. Having experience in Rhythmic Gymnastic, I'm given a task by the lecturer to choreograph all the dance for a whole 11 minutes. The things that I think are easy, are hard for them and therefore, I don't even know what I am doing anymore. I blame myself for that. Most of all, I blame myself for being to enthusiastic about that at the beginning of this semester. Now, all I want is to be off the hook, to shake off the responsibility.

Every word that Dr.Fernandez enunciated from her own mouth happened to be true. An undergraduate has no social life. All that is meant for life is about task, responsibilities and commitment towards your assignments, lectures, exams and other activities that will make your resume appeals to your prospective employer.