Papa...You're The Best.

Stopped by at KL Sentral today to get a ticket to Times Square. Saw a boy, holding his father's hand, going to somewhere with his parents. He's happy... He's like my brother. This reminds me of my father.

I miss him so much. So much so when I type this, tears keep flowing down from my eyes. Ah, dun cry Li Chin, roommate gonna be back soon... Don't cry.

Others can simply go back and see their family. Where can I go to see my father once again? Oh, I miss him so much. Sometimes, when I am walking alone, I would stretch out my hands just to feel the wind. Feeling as if it's my father who's grasping my hand.

I love you so much father. I know 10th May is your anniversary with mommy. I bought something for her on behalf of you.

I miss you papa. Somehow, it isn't complete without you around. I love you. Really do.

Post-Exam

I had my last paper today. It was none other than the most difficult paper of the semester, Drama 1. I thought I am going to score an A- for that paper but when I was reading the first question from the exam paper, it occured to me that I was clueless about it. I whispered to Fish Kee that my result is going to go down the drain and I looked to my left hand side and gave Gui Chan a blank look. Nevertheless, it ain't gonna be as pathetic as it seemed. If Li Chin can't do it, half of the class is going to be flushed down the toilet bowl with me! Am I being confident or cocky here? Explain to me. I don't seem to be able to differentiate between the two.

Age is catching up sooner than we thought. I couldn't remember what I did after my exam during my first year. I am getting symptoms of Alzheimer disease at the age of 22! I remembered how I spent my time at the Cheras Pasar Malam last semester with Anna and Alan and it felt so different this year. Sometimes when you flashback your thoughts on these moments you'll notice how people have changed. I look forward to my semester break but then I hate it when I get back here, people are being rather different. So, this semester, I spent my after-exam hour with Amy, Chia Sing, Jia Wei, Dayang, Poay Hoon and Me Yi. We walked around in MidValley and spent our time having pizzas.

Didn't enjoy my time with them to the max cuz I need to rush back to my room to pack my stuffs. It's a bless to have an uncle to be in KL so I can just throw all my things at his house but it's bad cuz I will not have my pillow, comforter and my Tai Ong Pong to hug...




After the rush hour, here I am looking for some stuffs to do. I have 1 pail of clothing to wash, the room to clean, little little things to pack back to Kuantan. Now, I have so much time to think and plan on the things to do during my semester break. I'm thinking about it over a cup of coffee. I think I am not going to sleep tonight. I might as well enjoy the night in college.

I love y'all my friends. Don't change too much during the break, okay? I scared I wouldn't be able to catch up. Just stay lovable!!!

Going Nuts

Have you ever experienced a feeling like mine? Where your body doesn't seem to be yours anymore? Things and lines from the book you memorized keep swimming in your mind causing you to be drowsy and uneasy? You can't rest yourself because you mind won't let you. Whenever you close your eyes, the lines you've memorized keep haunting you on the surface of your eyeballs eventhough you have shut your eyes? Do you feel what I feel?

I am in the midst of memorizing the lines from Shakespeare's King Lear to quote it in my paper tomorrow.I bet after I memorized all my lines I would be too tired to even memorize the lines from The Importance of Being Ernest.

My mind seems to be writing pages of essay on its on, unable to stop. It keeps on repeating:-
Sir, I love you more than word can wield the matter,
Dearer than eyesight, space, and liberty... blah blah blah

Know what I mean? I think I am going nuts, I might as well eat peanuts and get nuts for my exam... Rhymes cuz I am so into Shakespeare's now!!! Grrr...

I think I am a nerd. Or maybe I am an actor trying to memorize lines that different actors ought to remember.

Clarity

You don't need to try hard to understand me. I spill most of my thoughts in my blog so much so that people are able to detect my flaws and weaknesses easily to use them against me.

I have been living in my own little world with the rules I forced myself to follow. I set myself with expectations, the do's and don'ts that I should follow in dealing with some of my problems. Sometimes I feel like I am going to break. I'm tired of all my convictions and my lies.

Just now, in the midst of the rain, I found some clarity towards my gloomy, dark and twisty soul. It seems like unresolved issues in my life are not as confusing as they once were and I think I am finally getting a grip on what I want. Or maybe at least I know the things I don't want.

Somehow, things like this scares me. I don't know how long such peacefulness will last. Life seems to be poking joke on us.

Last few days, when I was reading the play "A Streetcar Named Desire," I felt like I was Blanche Dubois living and thriving on past issues. The only difference was, people felt pitiful for Tennessee Williams' character but I made myself looked pitiful for myself. What a shame...

Hopefully this clarity would not be hazed by my emotional upheaval anytime soon.

Nothing Profound

Something is bothering me. It keeps bugging me when I am reading a few lines from my notes. I shake the thought off for awhile and it keeps coming back till the point that it haunts me in my dream. My shoulders are tensed!!! How I wish someone could just come up to me and offer me a 5-minute massage :)

It's Sunday and Sundays are supposed to be great. But here I am feeling tired all the way from top to toe. I am determined to change my day though. So, I began my day with a cup of coffee, tied my hair like a messy China doll and went down to the hall to get myself breakfast. To hell with what people will say about my messy Malaysian China doll look!!! It's exam week, so people will tend to ease their tension by doing something crazy.

I haven't been shaping my eyebrows for 3 weeks and it's growing like weeds. Seems like personal grooming hasn't been part of my life for this few weeks cuz I am lazy or am I just too hardworking to be hooked on Facebook? I don't know. Maybe I'll groom myself today by getting rid of those cacti from my legs, I'll shape my eyebrows, I'll go to Rheita's room and borrow that headphone so I'll get to watch Dr.Faustus and The Importance of Being Earnest before my exam on 2/5/09. If I am extra hardworking, maybe I'll finish finding the answer for the 1st and 2nd questions for Teaching Drama.

I am setting my expectations low.

And this one is just another random post cuz I just feel like updating. Yeah, it's nothing profound.